Living The Not Normal Life

I woke up to bright lights.

The pain wasn’t the fact that it was bright.

It was the fact that it wasn’t in my control.

I was forced awake ever since a young age (we all have had this happen).

The constant misery and dread of knowing I had to do things that almost felt unhuman really pissed me off.

Eventually I had enough and I decided I was going to live my life on my own terms.

This was 9th grade for me.

Yes, at the age of 14 I decided to make a decision that would seal my fate forever.

I wasn’t going to do school work anymore.

Homework I threw that shit away.

This was many years ago but I had to do it.

It was something within my spirit.

Something in my soul that created this catalyst for who I’d become.

I pulled this off.

I made teachers cry.

I turned my fathers hair gray.

I wasn’t going to let ANYONE get in my way anymore.

The only question I have for myself is why me?

Why was I the only one who realized at such a young age how bullshit everything was.

I did my first year of highschool and ended my GPA with (.333)

To me this was a sign, a magickal number.

To others, this was a failure.

People including my teachers, friends and family told me I was going to ruin my life.

I’d argue that this allowed me to finally start living.

What do you do with a child who goes against everything so early.

Your words had no power over me.

To completely not give a solitary fuck what others thought about me, gave me strength.

I had something over others.

It was a secret.

I lived many lifetimes before I even turned 18.

I chose to align myself with the outcasts.

The weed smokers.

The drug doers.

Looking back now I obviously would have chose a somewhat different path.

I found some close friends who had some similar views on life.

We sought freedom.

To be unrestricted by the chains of society, our family and what the world was trying to make us become.

The issue is the drugs.

The drugs make you lose sight of who you are.

Fuck Marijuana that shit is for the birds.

We were dosing up on LSD and research chemicals.

What were we trying to figure out?

It’s obvious now we wanted to stand out.

To be unique.

To be different.

It was almost like a energy had possessed us to do these things.

Regardless of the massive failures in every part of our lives.

We chose to live free at a young age.

By the time you were 18.

We had already experienced it all.

Heartbreak.

Misery.

Dread.

Feeling alive.

We learned to talk the talk.

Walk the walk.

We were street kids.

We had an aura that shined bright.

Anyone that crossed our path wanted to help us.

They knew we were on a massive mission.

We hung out with the homeless.

The outcasts.

We did this shit for years.

Eventually a few of us got more addicted to hard drugs.

The pain of living a such mundane existence led us to more experimentation.

A few of my friends became fallen soldiers.

We’d pour out 40s to our homies.

What was this energy inside of us that was so different.

So dark?

Looking back now, none of it makes sense.

But I have created a very unique character.

I became someone with an aura that pierces through people.

I became a light that shines so bright that the darkness cowers in fear.

My will power is unbreakable.

Fighting insanity 100x over and breaking out.

Psych wards.

Jail time.

Death.

Drugs.

We lost ourselves just to recreate a new version.

Ego death x10.

Every time we’d rebuild ourselves it was a new version even stronger.

I had become immensely powerful in many realms.

I touched the power of God many times.

I shifted through sub planes and dimensions.

I reached through the void to manifest my desires.

I found real Magick.

Over the years though, our group had fallen apart.

Half of us dead.

Half of us addicted to substances that would later kill us.

Looking back.

I am the lone survivor of my group.

What does it all mean?

Yes some didn’t die but they went back to sleep.

To become an NPC and live a shit life.

What was it all for anyways?

These years of pain.

Struggle and torment.

It seems to be now Earth is a testing ground.

We all make choices and eventually God will judge them.

But what’s even more important than that is finding your true path.

To follow your destiny.

Even though everyone around you tells you not to do it.

Never take advice.

I’ll take the input and use it to fuel me.

Do the opposite of everyone around you and see what happens.

Go against the sheep and become a wolf.

Do not let the weak come to distract you.

Find your path and do it now.

The only recommendation I can give is to go on a 10 hour walk.

Alone.

In solitude.

No phone.

You will figure out your path in this time.

It’s the lifehack.

Stop wasting time.

Go now.

Do not falter when everyone around you (who are weak willed) tells you to stop.

Become unique.

Become a king of your own domain.

Do not allow your life to become a petty existence.

Do not allow yourself to be invisible.

Make your aura bright and burn others with it.

Living a normal life is for the birds.

For the meek and timid.

For those who have nothing to accomplish.

To live a normal life.

That life would be the bane of my existence.